yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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