So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
