Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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