i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize