He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
