Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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