im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize