take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
