I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
