I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
