Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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