my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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