Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
