nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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