We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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