I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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