so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I said "one day" and that day is not today
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize