There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
