I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
