No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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