Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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