i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize