Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
