If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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