Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
