but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
