he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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