i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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