I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
