i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
