I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
