A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
