I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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