the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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