she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
