she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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