The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Randomize
