what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
