I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
