if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
