I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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