Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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