I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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