Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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