so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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