the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
