I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
