Define "chronic" masturbator.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
