I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
