Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
