thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
