i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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