Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
