he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
