Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
