that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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