There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize