I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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