I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize