Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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