I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
