My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
