call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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