Screwed.edu
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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