I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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