I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I want a musical about memes.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
