I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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