I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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