Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
