I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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