I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
