she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
